Any time you have confluence of tribes or gathering of families the subject of manners is likely to come up. What is the polite way to address people of title or age? Which course should be served first or what to do with a mouthful of someone’s best dish that summons a gag reflex and makes it almost impossible to swallow? These are but a few of the troubling situations to arise and although they are more insular than quotidian they by that very nature are more likely to leave a lasting negative impression.
Hence the heightened anxiety.
What are manners really? They are based on a position of empathy and imagining the impact one’s own actions on the others around you. Manners require doing something for others without expectation of something in return.
You can enjoy those you love and appreciate without worrying about which fork to use or who eats first, etc. If you genuinely care for those around you and make it evident how thankful you are for each and every one, you will be seen far more in position of etiquette than if you never scratch an inappropriate place or discharge unusable gases at the wrong time.
We can all be blessed with manners at the banquet of life under the great Blue sky. Dr. Baker Fore
I have said many times that happiness follows an attitude of gratitude. The more thankful I become, the happier I become. So how can I be so happy when the mountain seems so high and the road so steep? I remember that life is not about perfection but about progress. At times like these I sit and look back down the path and see how far I have come. I am thankful for the progress I have made. Sometimes it has been miles and some times it has just been inches but I am thankful that I am making progress. I can also look back and see some times when it looked like I was going backwards and see that it was just a necessary detour that taught me a lot.
We may not seem to be making the progress we want to right now but even if we have to measure it in inches we can be thankful for the progress we are making. I am thankful for the inches for they turn into feet and feet turn to yards. It only takes one shovel full at a time to continue to move a mountain.
I am thankful for my shovel and the progress I have made moving my mountain under the great Blue Sky. Dr. Baker Fore
What if the government has a way to turn your cell phone on and use it as a listening device at any time? Under the Patriot Act there are several agencies that can listen to your conversations at any time for national security reasons. I doubt if it is difficult to hack into any private computer connected on line.
Today there are many less secrets than ever before. Everything eventually comes out into the open. When we do things that we do not want anybody to know about, we make our biggest mistakes.
Realize that everything you do will be known by everybody you do not want to know about it and self discipline becomes much easier. The thrill of doing something that everybody does not know about and getting away with it is an illusion.
Live your life as if everything you do will be on the front page of the local newspaper because it will be, and they will make it sound even worse. Think about that before you do what you know you should not do. It may not stop you from the second piece of pumpkin pie but it could stop you from the second drink and getting behind the wheel. Do you want to read about your DUI on the front page?
I will hear about tomorrow everything I do under the great Blue sky today.
Dr. Baker Fore
Last night I saw a story about a new movie in 3D. They were talking about TV going 3D in the future. I thought how we are really are 3D. As a teenager I read the Greek philosophers and as a young adult became fascinated with the Chinese. Although they were separated by vast distances and eons I realized they were very similar. They each divided life into three parts. They saw the struggle of life as a balancing act between physical, mental. and spiritual parts.
All my life I have tried to balance theses three parts with varying degrees of success. The people I have met that were the most “unbalanced” were denying one or two of these parts in themselves. They were living one or at the most two dimensional lives, in a three dimensional world.
This week we have a chance to explore the spiritual parts of our selves as we give “thanks” to our God. If you don’t have a God I suggest you get one. God can be a great consultant if you bother to use Him. The more you use Him the more thankful you become.
I am thankful I enjoy my mind, body, and spirit under the great Blue sky. Dr. Baker Fore
A blacksmith told his assistant over and over to do exactly as he was told. Then he told him he was going to take a red hot horseshoe out of the coals with a pair of tongs and place it on the anvil. He handed the assistant a hammer and said, “Now when I nod my head you hit it hard.” They buried the blacksmith with a broken skull.
Three things I learned from this story:
1) You have to know exactly what you want.
2) It is very important to make sure those around you know exactly what your goals are.
3) You must know what others think about what it is they are being asked to do.
Most failures to communicate in families and organizations are because of the failure to check out what the recipient understands, thinks, or feels about what they are being told to do. “Might does not always make right” and the company policy of “When I want your opinion I will tell you what it is,” eventually becomes very costly.
Today I will find out what others think I want under the great Blue Sky. Dr. Baker Fore
A patient was telling me about an incident where she felt insulted and hurt. She said, “I remember it like it was yesterday.” I asked her if she remembered what she was wearing that day and she did. I asked her if she had a more pleasant day the day before and after the incident. Then I asked her what she was wearing the day before or the day after. She had no idea what so ever. She had replayed the painful memory over and over in her mind so she could remember the exact harmful words and everything surrounding them. She was stuck in the past in that event and had little recall of the pleasant day before and after.
We do not forgive others, for them. We forgive others, for ourselves. When we do not forgive we are stuck in the past. We are literally stuck in the fantasy of our memory and miss the reality of what is happening now. We also miss the opportunities before us now. The patients I have who are quick to forgive are happier healthier people then those who do not. The choice is yours. You can be smart and forgive or be stupid and hang on with pride.
Today I will forgive others and forget quickly to enjoy the great Blue Sky. Dr. Baker Fore
Dictionary definitions of appetite are: A natural desire, or a habitual desire for gratification.
Just because it is natural does not mean it is healthy or we are to give into it. The use of the excuse “it is natural” is a common one but it is really a form of denying we have behavior we need to change for our own good.
We all have appetites but how we allow them to control us rather than us controlling them makes a difference in our lives. Appetites for food, is the most obvious example. If we do not control that appetite we become overweight. Also we have many other appetites that can become detrimental. Appetites for wealth, security, success, recognition or sex are all natural but the over indulgence or preoccupation with these can lead to habits that exclude other healthy appetites and rewarding behaviors.
It is also true how we control our appetites has a direct bearing on those we love and others around us. The more we are aware of our impact on those around us the better we fare ourselves. When we stop to see how the management of our appetites effects those around us, it changes our perspective as to how important this really is.
“But indeed many mislead others by their appetites, through lack of knowledge.” Sura VI The Koran
Today, I will lead my appetites as much as they lead me under the great Blue Sky, Dr. Baker Fore
An ancient Chinese proverb says, “When faced with an opposing army one has three choices. You can immediately flee, you can take up sword and shield and prepare for battle or you can take the risk of the third choice. You can advance on to the field of battle with neither sword nor shield and when you meet the other force you can embrace. In today’s world we still have the same three choices as it applies to other individuals in our lives. We need to remember to use the third option when ever possible
However, more and more we are dealing with big business and government so a word of caution. When dealing with a large corporation make sure the person you are meeting has the authority to embrace rather than just follow orders to eliminate the competition or you are just back to the first two. Before deciding to take up your sword, remember my not Chinese grandfather’s proverb. Never fight people who buy ink by the barrel or lawyers by the bus load.
Today I will meet everyone under the great Blue Sky without my sword and shield. Dr. Baker Fore
As long as you are doing and making an effort you are moving toward reaching your goals. Sometimes we make mistakes and avoid continuing to do because we think the mistakes are failures. Mistakes are lessons we have learned on how to not do something so we can learn to do better. By doing better we improve and become closer to reaching our goals.
The one way that we will always fail is by doing nothing. When we sit idle we are not moving forward and because time and the world are moving we are actually moving backward and losing the opportunity to be successful. It amazes me when people see “just hanging out and doing nothing” as something productive or a goal. Today is your opportunity to be successful. Do not lose it by sitting still and doing nothing.
Today I will work rather than being idle under the great Blue Sky. Dr. Baker Fore
Assumptions are opinions based on little or inadequate knowledge. If someone hands you a gun and you point it at something and pull the trigger – that action is based on an assumption.
Presumptions are based on a higher level of probability due to increased data and experience. If, instead, you take bullets, load a gun, cock the hammer, and pull the trigger that action is based on a presumption.
Expectations are similar but larger in scope and impact. Expectations have a way of becoming reality. If I take that gun and go out in the woods to spend the day hunting, my expectations as to whether I will enjoy the trip are not based on the gun, my shooting skill or just one aspect of the trip. My expectations are what I choose to tell myself about what my response is going to be to what is about to happen. The more I expect a wonderful trip, the more likely I am to have one. If I expect to be cold, wet and miserable, the more likely it is that I will not enjoy the trip even if I am not cold or wet.
Outcomes are to a very large degree determined by our expectations. If you expect to be happy and successful you will become so. That is a universal fact that has nothing to do with the circumstances in your life.
Life responds to our expectations. Set your goals high and succeed with the energy of your expectations. Choose expectations that are wonderful because over time they will become your life. As we think in our hearts so we become. (Heard that before?)
Today I expect to have a wonderful day under the great Blue Sky. Dr. Baker Fore
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